MANHOOD

More Than Just A Good Man

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In The Way of Men, Jack Donovan, differentiates between being a good man and being good at being a man.

If you ask people what it means to be a man you will hear answers like: “A real man is kind and loving.” “A real man spends time with his kids.” “A real man keeps his word.”

But aren’t those statements equally true of “good women”?  Aren’t they kind, loving, family oriented, and trustworthy?

Statements like, “A real man would never hit a woman,” isn’t describing a real man, it’s describing a good man. It’s certainly possible to be honest and kind and be a total sissy. And it’s equally possible to be strong and manly and be evil. As Donovan points out, we wouldn’t label assassins, gangsters, or fighters as unmanly simply because they act immorally.

We should strive to be good men, but we must also be good at being men.  It’s not enough just to be kind and honest – so are women! We must also be good at being men. Protecting. Providing. Romancing.

Set the examples of strength and honor. You have to actually be a man, before you can be a good man.

Guys vs. Men

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Are you a guy or a man? Maybe you didn’t even know there was a difference. But the difference between the two impacts how the world sees you. Here are a few examples to help you discover where you stand.

Guys avoid confrontation and overlook wrongdoing. Men directly confront misconduct.

Guys send a text asking if she wants to hang out. Men call and ask her on a date.

Guys say yes to everything that sounds fun, but rarely follow through. Men can be counted on to keep the few commitments that they make.

Guys get drunk, look at pornography, make excuses, are chronically unprepared, and think marriage should be 50/50.

Men resist short-term pleasures that bring long-term problems, they take personal responsibility and are prepared for the worst, and in their marriage they give 100% - not 50 – and they don’t keep track of her numbers at all.

Our country doesn’t need more guys in skinny jeans acting too cool to need any help. We need men who are proud of their strengths yet honest about their weaknesses, who have the dependability and sobriety to help others, and who can actually fit their keys in their jean pockets.

Who's In Charge Here?

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Once upon a time, parents used to decide what their families would do on weekends. Parents would plan trips like camping, boating, or barbecuing with friends. Adults used to have friends they actually enjoyed spending time with, and all the kids learned to get along and play together.

Then travel sports and gymnastics crept into our lives, and every parent decided that their kid could (and should!) be a professional athlete.

We awoke one morning to discover we “don’t have time” to exercise when we want, or join a men’s group, or lay in the hammock anymore. In fact, we aren’t even sure who our friends are. We just drive our kids to their events, and all the adults learn to get along and play together.

This might be why men today are isolated, depressed, angry, and addicted. We put 8-year olds at the helm and then wonder why our lives are unfulfilling.

Maybe it’s time to limit your kid’s social life and start working on your own. Here’s some tough love: They’re not going pro. And what they need more than year-round training is to see their parents healthy and happy and leading by example.