Confront the Mess

I know some hoarders. They always need another garage or shed for things they don’t use because they filled up their basement years ago.

I’ve noticed over the years how their amount of stuff has grown at the same rate as the dysfunction in their family. It’s like their possessions and relationship problems both grow from the same root. Panic attacks have tried to get their attention, but still they sweep it all under the rug and pretend that everything is fine.

People who won’t deal with their mountains of possessions certainly aren’t going to confront their messy relationship issues either.

When we ignore the messes in our life they'll come bubbling out in other forms like anxiety or work addiction. We’ll keep ourselves busy so we won’t have to confront the lumps under our rug, but our bodies aren’t designed to contain that kind of internal stress. It will eat away at us and demand our attention.

When we clean out the junk in our attics and initiate those difficult conversations we’ve been avoiding we’ll rediscover what it’s like to be cheerful and lighthearted. When we roll back the rug we take back our life.

Who's Dating Your Wife?


Guys today seem to have forgotten how to date. We’ve been allowed to get slack and it’s the fault of both women and men for letting it happen. Women have lowered their standards and let us get by with laziness. And we’ve acceded.

Dating is not the same thing as hanging out together. Watching Netflix together with pizza and wine is fun, but it ain’t a date. And your woman needs a date!

She needs it to be official. Which means you have to actually ask her on the date and you have to put a little bit of thought into it. Find a new restaurant, tuck in your shirt, wash your truck. These things let her know that she matters.

She wants you to pursue her. She wants to feel important.

You probably can remember a time when you used to do this, but maybe careers or kids slowly killed the dating side of you. It’s time to take your life back! Her needs haven’t changed; she’s just learned to live with your mediocrity.

Go buy some flowers and make dinner reservations, and start manning up when it comes to dating your wife. Live like you’re still in pursuit!

Defend Your Perimeter


Throughout history every military has known the importance of establishing a strong perimeter.

A clearly defined and well-defended perimeter not only protects us from outside threats, it also keeps us from spreading our resources and energies too thin. It allows us to limit our efforts to the area that matters most, and those inside can relax knowing that those who stand watch are nearby, not running off towards every potential opportunity.

Perimeters within relationships work the same way. We create these relationship boundaries by saying no to people and activities that wear us out, create tension, or keep us apart. Establishing things we will not do, places we will not go, and days that we are not available will keep us from spreading our personal resources and energies too thin.

Even good things like kid’s travel sports and volunteer work can sneak inside our perimeter and rob us of our date nights and relaxing family weekends together.

Cordon off the most important areas for you and your family: dinners together, Saturday mornings with the kids, and date nights with your wife. Create a strong perimeter around these things that are important to you and protect them at all cost.